The rare and revered Chocolate Habanero, otherwise known as ‘Congo Black’, is in fact not from the Congo.
It was developed by quadruped beings from the ice planet Tibaar-16 in the Celeron system, to test humans’ spice tolerance. They engineered a deceptively pretty plant, innocuous in its beauty, laden with berries of unimaginable fire, which their leader Ikshnark the Insufferable would rub into the eyes of enemies.
This may not be (provably) true, but the Chocolate Habanero is certainly on the very fringe of Earth’s gastronomical capabilities. The Chocolate Habanero’s cute little red-brown fruits have been rated at 450,000 Scoville Heat Units. Allow me please to repeat. 450,000 Scoville Heat Units. To put that into perspective, the hottest Jalapeño bottoms out at 5,000 Scovilles, and the hottest infamous Scotch Bonnet was recorded at 325,000.
It’s time then to set the tables, clear an unmistakable path to the milk-fridge, and prepare a barbeque you won’t forget in a hurry.
Awe-inspiring Chocolate Habaneros don’t only contain enough capsaicin to incapacitate a charging Mike Tyson, they taste wonderful. Delivered to Earth by Tibaarians or not, Chocolate Habaneros are said to originate from Trinidad – they carry the spirit of the Caribbean, expressed in their rich, dark, smoky flavour. Think tropical beach party after sundown. Specialist seed supplier seedrack.com goes as far as to call the Chocolate Habanero’s taste “a unique, rich flavour unduplicated by any other pepper”, awarding it the title ‘Chiliheads’ Choice’.
The Chile Man, self-styled spice guru, explains that Chocolate Habaneros are the “ultimate salsa pepper”. They’re also the inimitable ingredient in the now world-famous Caribbean Jerk Sauce.
Chocolate Habaneros are closely related to the similarly ferocious Jamaican Hot Chocolate Habanero and are one of the mighty Caribbean’s hottest peppers. Indeed, for a time the Chocolate Habanero was the hottest pepper known.
New Mexico State University has a Chilli Pepper Institute. It always warms my heart to be reminded of the existence of such a place. A place where aesthetic gastronomes join hands with bearded nerds. A place both sensible and sensual. Imagine a world that takes every cent, penny and yuan it spends on war, and spends it instead on cultivating the best natural foods. We’d be up to our eyeballs in hedonism, with not a threat in sight. Decommissioned fighter jets would be used to airdrop pizzas to the needy… Forgive my reverie. The Chilli Pepper Institute not that long ago reported that the Chocolate Habanero was the hottest pepper they had ever tested – that was my point. But wouldn’t that warless world of chillies and pizzas be cool…
Chocolate Habaneros bring awesome spicy flavour to sauces, stews, barbeques, marinades, and airdropped pizzas. Chocolate Habaneros are even used to add a certain who-killed-Granny zing to classy cakes. Je vous présente: Chocolate Habanero Torte! Gourmets’ faces and colons light up when they use tiny slivers of Chocolate Habanero in their dishes to lend fiery and unusual flavour.
And I haven’t even mentioned what Chocolate Habaneros do for our health! Chocolate Habaneros and other chilli peppers stimulate the metabolism. They fight cancer. They help diabetics. They are vitamin-rich and contain immune-boosting antioxidants. They reduce cholesterol… click on the “Benefits of Peppers” header of our website for the comprehensive rundown of the amazing and reassuring things they can do for us mere mortals.
Chocolate Habaneros’ two-inch fruits ripen from an emerald green to a tasty-looking berry-and-chocolate red-brown after around three months. The mature cocoa-velvet plants here on our ranch look so inviting you want to eat the leaves too, but appreciating the Chocolate Habanero’s prettiness is like appreciating a slick paintjob on a torpedo.